Dare to Compare

Who do you compare yourself to?   Come on, let it out we all do it in one way or another.  I never fancied myself the type to compare and contrast, but as I've gotten to know myself better I realize that I most certainly rate myself against others.  Not as much in the physical department but more so in the "life" department.  Do they seem to have more fun?  Are they more creative?  Travel more?  Cook better?  I'm not sure where this side of my personality comes from but I will admit that it is one of my less endearing traits.  I know that I'm a perfectionist but I also know that it is pointless and counterproductive to judge yourself based on others.  People only let you see what they want you to see so you are often judging them (and yourself) based on a perception.  That isn't a fair or realistic comparison.  But still, I find myself comparing.  It isn't as if I compare myself to one person- I compare myself to different aspects of different people's lives in order to make my life the best possible.  For instance, I take friends who are "successful" in each life category and use them as a standard to judge my life.  I don't begrudge or get super jealous of them, but I do at times, beat myself up for not being better in that category.  I guess it is a form of adult competition.  But is it healthy?  I feel that some competition is good because it keeps you striving to do better and it gives you a goal to achieve.  The key to this is keeping a straight head and not allowing jealousy and bitterness to overwhelm you.  Compare yourself but don't undermine your selfworth if you fall short- because you are going to fall short.  As a perfectionist this is one of the hardest truths to grasp... but if you are disillusioned then you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.  It's like my mom told me when I was younger "...there is always going to be someone better than you and there is always going to be someone worse off.  Be grateful for your talents, but also be humble because there is someone out there that can do it better." 

Ballin' at the Ballantyne

I love food.  I love everything about food.  I love finding and cooking new recipes, I love experienceing new restaurants with amazing menus but mostly I love sharing food with loved ones.  It's cheesy, but my favorite aspect of food is the feeling I have when I'm able to partake in a fabulous meal with those near and dear to me.  With all that said, I would like to share with you (all zero of my readers) one of the best dining experiences I've had of recent.  It is a prime example of how atmosphere paired with amazing food and even better wine can make all wrongs right.  Drumroll please....

Ballantyne Resort.

That picture is enough to prove my point, but allow me to continue.  From the moment your car is valeted you feel like a princess being dropped off at your castle.  The staffs sole purpose is to treat you better than anyone has ever treated you and to make you feel like the most important person on earth.  This is how they do it at the Ballantyne and you've only made it to the lobby.  Since I was only there to dine (sigh) I made a beline for the enormous balcony overlooking the award winning golf course.  Immediately greeted by a server eager to bring me my beverage of choice.  After having a pre-dinner cocktail I made my way to their 4 star restaurant, The Gallery.

Now I could write a trilogy about the decor and atmospher, but let me cut to the chase and show you what you really want to see: the menu.  To be honest, they have changed their menu since I've been there and I can't recall exactly what I had (buzzkill I know)... BUT I can promise you that I had the best appetizer, entree, dessert and coffee that I've had in a long time.  One thing that I can describe to a T- in part because the chef gave us the recipe- thats right, whatever you want- was the "bread" that they give you to munch on in between courses.  This my friends, is one of the best things that man has ever created: the black pepper and thyme popovers.  Sounds just aight, but it is the most buttery, flaky, moist spin on a biscuit I've ever enjoyed.  I would go back if only for the popovers.  I wish I could detail all of our food choices but I never intended on writing a blog post.  C'est La Vie. In summary, the excellent food mixed with the thoughtful decor and romantic atmosphere made for a memorable experience that will forever be one of my favorites.  It was sad to have to leave the castle but this princess will be back again real soon. 

Emotional Schitzophrenia

This is what I'm suffering from. It seems that one moment I am in a state of euphoria, totally in love with my life and grateful for every. single. thing.  Then the next moment I am moody and totally hating all that I'm doing (or not doing) with my so called life.  In my euphoric state I count my blessings and happily trot down the path that leads me through my journey.  On my bad days I curse the day and everyone in it.  The worst part of my negative attitude is that my head tells me that I should not feel such despair and that I have many things to be happy about ... but my heart can not hear my head through the loud noise of sobbing and self hating dialogue.  On these days I just want to start over.  I allow myself to wallow in my misery possibly because it is part of my self diagnosed, totally made up illness or possibly because I know that tomorrow will be a better day and that I will have a better attitude and be more capable of handling life.  That is it!  I know that tomorrow will be better and I will return to my grateful, fun-loving self.  Tomorrow I will be grateful, for a number of things but mostly that today is over.

Give It Up

Your time that is... VOLUNTEER!  It is a great way to give back for all the awesome things you have to be grateful for and it really helps to put your life in perspective.  While I fill the role of unemployed housewife I've decided to spend my Tuesdays here.  So get off your rump and go make a difference.  Do it.

Blessings: Count em.

Man, I've been an emotional roller coaster lately.  As I mentioned before, each day has been a struggle.  And truth be told, I find myself searching for a do over on most days...  At any rate, I decided that I desperately needed a reminder of how I deal with difficult times.  In my experience there is only one way to deal with less than ideal situations and that is to stop belly aching and count your blessings.  This may not be a profound "secret" but it truly can help you.  Like most things, it sounds easy enough but in reality it is really difficult because it is the opposite of what you really want to do.  It is human instinct to wallow around in self pity and anger.  To get down on the fact that you are in a trying time in your life that seems unfair and unannounced.  To curl up in the fetal position while crying about all the things that are wrong in your life.  These are such knee jerk reactions that in bad times I have to constantly remind myself to stop and be thankful.  Like recently, I've forgotten to be grateful for all the amazing things in my life- big and small.  It is a struggle not to focus on the bad and worry about the future.  But, I can guarantee that regardless of what is going on  we always have MORE things to appreciate than bad things to dwell on. Gua-ran-tee.  So hopefully this post can serve as a reminder for you and for me to be grateful. Because it is easy to count blessings in good times but the real challenge is counting them when you forget how to count.

Day By Day

When I first lost my job I was completely shocked.  I didn't see it coming at all.  After a weekend of crying and self pity, Monday morning I picked myself up and started searching for a job like a crackhead searching for a crack rock.  I had a great perspective and had decided that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and that this was an opportunity for me to get into a career that really fulfilled me.  I actually felt free and refreshed. Then the second week came .... and my wonderful outlook turned sour. The harsh reality seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks. It became harder to motivate myself, then I would feel guilt for losing focus or not trying hard enough.  I felt so guilty I might as well turned Catholic.  Things have gotten better since then, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that each day is a struggle.  It is easy to get negative and question my self worth.  It is really hard, but I have to remind myself that this will not last forever.  I found this article that really makes some great points on job-hunting burnout.  The best point that this article makes for me is that it is okay to take a break from job searching.  I often work all day looking but when I do take breaks I feel super guilty.  Unemployment is an emotional rollercoaster and the best thing that I can do to survive this time is to take things day by day.  Take each day and try my best and when those days don't work out- start over tomorrow.  I have to have faith in tomorrow, especially when today looks so bleak.

Blood From A Stone

4,781.72 bucks is the unforeseen amount that this girl owes to the IRS.  Pretty convenient seeing as I don't have any money and that I'm currently unemployed.   It's human nature to panic about how I'm going to pay this debt or stress over how awful the timing is, but instead I calmly wait on hold with the FEDS (7 minutes and counting). It isn't that I don't care, it's just that I there really isn't anything I can do about it.  So I'll do my best, I'll give them what I can and I'll try to block out the fact that I'm in over my head in debt.

Besides, you can't get blood from a stone.

Decide What To Be And Go Be It

What do you want to be when you grow up?  We have been asked this question since we were old enough to talk.  The answers have changed througout the years ranging from circus clown to a lawyer.  For some the answer is and always was simple and for some of us the answer is undecided and nags us every day of our unfullfilled life.  I'm not sure how we  find our purpose as I'm trying desperately to find mine. I've always felt as if I have a lot of skills to offer and that my purpose would come to me if I worked hard and kept my eyes open.  I've read articles about how other lucky souls have found their destiny, I've watched so much Oprah that I actually believe in AH HA Moments and living your best life.  But how?  One of my favorite Avett Brothers' songs (yes, I turn to music lyrics for life answers) says to "decide what to be and go be it."  Sounds easy.  But is isn't.  How do you decide?  And once you decide, how do you know that you'll be good at it?  Is life just a bunch of trial and error?  When I was in my early 20s I thought it was most important to experience life- before I got bogged down with age, kids, a husband, and a 9 to 5.  I figured that a smart girl like me would be savvy enough to get a dream job when the time came.  That girl did not expect to be 29 and unemployed.  I have experienced a lot that life has to offer, I've found a man that I love and that loves me back.  For some that would be enough but I'm shooting for the trifecta and looking for self fullfilling work that gives my life purpose and meaning.  Something that I love to do but that also gives me free time to live and enjoy my best life.  Listing  all this out makes me realize why I'm unemployed... I mean this job isn't going to be found on CareerBuilder.  And it is quite possible that it isn't going to be found at all, but my older self owes it to my younger self to try.  My younger self had faith in my older self and I don't want to let that free spirited, wide eyed girl down.  So while I'm here I'll document this journey of self actualization and purpose finding.  In the end, I'll either have a purpose or I'll become a really cool bank teller.  Lets decide what to be and go be it.